My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
