I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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