All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
