My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
