there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
