I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
