guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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