I could have mohawked her pubes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration