my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.