i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.