dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
