Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so glad i banged her when she was skinny

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  (443): its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten (301): so glad i banged her when she was skinny http://tfl.nu/17dv
  Replies (18) Good night (3719) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?

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  (646): Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself? http://tfl.nu/aacm
  Replies (5) Good night (772) Bad night (4772)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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  (847): Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better. http://tfl.nu/ewir
  Replies (17) Good night (3309) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.

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  (816): I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches. http://tfl.nu/de5z
  Replies (16) Good night (716) Bad night (3896)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6951) Bad night (1400)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.

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  (361): Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am. http://tfl.nu/g88o
  Replies (1) Good night (1243) Bad night (2300)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?

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  (954): Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/oywi
  Replies (8) Good night (3826) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

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  (617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb
  Replies (7) Good night (2961) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.

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  (304): I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me. http://tfl.nu/6i2r
  Replies (6) Good night (2578) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?

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  (256): It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me? http://tfl.nu/7mmq
  Replies (7) Good night (1341) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now

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  (712): I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now http://tfl.nu/qxxb
  Replies (6) Good night (573) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

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  (330): i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals http://tfl.nu/vtga
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper

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  (704): I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper http://tfl.nu/u2a8
  Replies (12) Good night (1031) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.

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  (225): The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night. http://tfl.nu/csqe
  Replies (2) Good night (383) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.

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  (616): I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside. http://tfl.nu/l42r
  Replies (2) Good night (261) Bad night (621)

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