Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
