either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
