I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
