he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
