Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Don't make out with my wife yet
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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