I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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