u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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