This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
