Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
