Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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