There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
