My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
