If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
