Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize