I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Don't make out with my wife yet
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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