all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
