Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
