he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
