I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
