Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
