her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
