one might say we're banned from that church
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
