"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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