No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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