How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
