if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
