I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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