meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
