last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
