I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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