Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We have so much sex to catch up on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
