It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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