She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
