You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
