What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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