Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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