I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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