I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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