you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have fence marks all over my body
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
