just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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