Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
