You just made me feel so damn special
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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