i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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