We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your cock deserves a montage
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
