Four minutes until I can fart!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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