I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
