My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
love makes seman taste better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
