He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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