Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
