I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
