I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
