dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
