Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
