I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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