best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
